In 2002 and then again in 2009, I was told by pastors that I had the power to “love him into repentance.” The message was I could save my marriage, single-handedly, and God would bless me greatly for it. [While fervently reading and highlighting, The Power of a Praying Wife.]
Thankfully one of these churches has since stopped giving this advice – with new pastors and different mindsets. What a heavy, heavyweight to put on a woman who is dealing with so many other emotions – often including betrayal trauma – and continued abuse… to be expected to fix it all too.
Lately, there has been a lot of talk in Christian circles (online) about giving abused women (and in other situations) “permission to leave and divorce.” A pastor in the Southern Baptist Convention is accused of saying that abused women can turn things around “just by praying” rather than leaving to find safety – even in cases of physical abuse.
Although some pastors have come to change their point of view after talking with abused women, we still have a way to go. Where has the Church stood on the topic of divorce in cases of abuse? Divided, at best. But mostly “pro-marriage” rather than accepting divorce as an option for many women.
I don’t believe you can heal, after abuse, around the unrepentant person who abused you. Maybe a few have, but I knew I couldn’t, as I shared.
Many women coming to my website are doing so because they’re facing an unwanted divorce and don’t feel they have “permission” to take steps toward separation or to file for divorce. So let’s talk this out together to decide what is the best option for you.
What is an “unwanted divorce?”
Times when divorce is not wanted by the victim, maybe not even the abuser, but it is necessary so one or both parties can get emotionally healthy and/or stop these wrong behaviors. We all have to make the best choice for ourselves.
When there is physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, financial, reproductive or any other forms of abuse.
The underlying issue of abuse is the need of the abuser to control the relationship and have power over their victim. Ultimately, what he wants and needs are always the top priority.
Emotional and psychological abuse is more damaging than physical. Mental cruelty damages the brain. I believe a wife has a right to leave the relationship, seek help, assert boundaries, and then decide if she should divorce based on if she sees repentance or not. Divorce would be a consequence of his continued abuse.
Sometimes God calls us back from toxic relationships so that we can be everything He has created us to be. Without a divorce, we might have died a slow death – from emotional torment or physical ailments caused by years of abuse.
Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul. – Proverbs 22:24-25 NLT
An angry person starts fights; a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin. – Proverbs 29:22
When there is adultery – physical, emotional, or habitual pornography use.
Sneaking around to meet someone, secretly meeting for meals, or lying about being alone with someone without transparency, is adultery. If someone is covering up a “friendship” with the person of the opposite sex, lying to those closest to them, this is adultery. It doesn’t have to be physical to be damaging. But most unrepentant adulterers will never admit to a physical relationship, saying it was just an “emotional affair”, “we were just friends”, or “it’s just porn” to cover their sin.
People who are telling the truth, full of integrity and trustworthiness, have no reason to lie, period. Those who have something to hide, lie to keep their secrets hidden.
But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself. He will be wounded and disgraced. His shame will never be erased. – Proverbs 6:32-33 NLT
When a spouse is abandoned – physically or financially.
Pretty self-explanatory – if he leaves and/or refuses to financially provide, explain himself or return, that’s abandonment. I think the Bible explains it better than I can…
But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace. – 1 Corinthians 7:15 NLT
But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers. – 1 Timothy 5:8
When there is an untreated addiction and/or criminal activity in marriage.
Unrepentant addictions to drugs, alcohol, pornography, gambling or anything else that consumes a person’s life or mind, will ruin relationships while ruining family finances. If your main focus is fixing this man and you care about him, and his issues, more than he cares about them or himself, you’re only hurting yourself by staying married. God doesn’t expect you to be a servant at the expense of yourself and your relationship with Him.
What sorrow for those who get up early in the morning looking for a drink of alcohol and spend long evenings drinking wine to make themselves flaming drunk. – Isaiah 5:11 NLT
Is divorce a sin?
God certainly hates the pain, shame, and family destruction that is caused by divorce but for probably half of all divorcees, their divorce is not a sin. Adultery and abuse that cause divorce are sins. The person who must divorce… especially if it’s “unwanted”… is not a sinner!
He also offers healing, restoration, and freedom to people who have endured divorce. As a divorced woman, I hate divorce too. I’ve worked with some abused women and my hope is always that their husbands would stop their sinful actions. I think we need to work to protect marriages and encourage strong families, while also leaving room in our hearts for people who simply cannot stay in irreparable relationships.
Should I Stay or Should I Divorce?
I think we can hope for change but we need to look at the bigger picture. Look at the pattern of behavior and the length of time it has been going on. And honestly, we need to ignore the excuses. Everyone is capable of change but those who won’t work for it every single day… don’t really want it or they’re not doing it for the right reasons.
- Are you being abused? Learn all that you can about abuse (see my resources pages for great books). Work with a counselor who is trained in abusive marriages or your local domestic abuse shelter to gain the wisdom to know the difference between normal relationship problems and domestic abuse (called violence).
- Are you being lied to? Do you feel something is going on behind your back but when you inquire you are told, you are crazy?! Chances are those feelings are the truth. The Holy Spirit has a way of telling us that sin is going on around us – we feel it in our gut. If we are wrong, a normal healthy person would be willing to do anything, with full transparency, to prove their love – never in an angry way. An abuser or an addict will lie to cover up what he knows he’s doing wrong.
- Have you been physically sick for most of or during the worst parts of your marriage? Most abuse victims start to show physical symptoms, even just repeat headaches or other pains, within months of living with an abuser. Our body will tell us when something in our environment is not right. Read more about this in my Divorcing with a Chronic Illness article.
- Do you have years of unresolved issues because your spouse is not willing to work through them? Things boiling under the rug at all times? Issues don’t just go away, they must be dealt with by both parties. This could be a lack of healthy communication or it could be a sign of abuse. Seek out a therapist just for yourself (not “marriage counseling”) that is knowledgeable in domestic abuse and narcissist personality disorders – because sometimes just a “Christian counselor” can’t help or will make things worse.
- Do you feel the need for anxiety or antidepressant medications just to stay married? Some people need these medications for their own internal imbalances which have nothing to do with their external environment. But if psychological abuse or gaslighting is taking place, some might be misdiagnosed. When we’re able to separate from that toxic environment we learn to see everything more clearly. There is nothing wrong with medications, but if you need them to stay married to someone, maybe the better option (with fewer side effects) is divorce.
- Do you notice more peaceful conversations and lack of anger when your husband is not at home? Maybe he has emotional issues or addictions he needs to be working on or he might be an abuser. Again seek help for yourself rather than trying to help him. The best and safest way to deal with these types of things is to assert boundaries and allow him to decide what he’s going to do with his own life. You cannot fix him!
- Is your husband at the center of your life, so much so that you aren’t anything without him? Does he expect to be worshipped? Husbands aren’t meant to replace God in your life. Abusers force their wives to worship him and forsake themselves at all times. This is damaging and not a healthy relationship; this is a destructive marriage. Some toxic marriages need to end in divorce.
- Would you want your daughter to be married to a man like your husband?
- Would you allow your son to treat another woman like you are being treated?
These last two questions are what helped me to decide that divorce was the best option for me. I didn’t want my kids to be from a divorced family but I didn’t want my children to turn out to be just like their dad or me, even more.
Please don’t just take my or anyone else’s word for it, if you should stay or divorce. Make your decision the most educated decision that you can make. If your pastor hasn’t given the greatest advice, find someone else and read books by authors who’ve researched these topics (see right sidebar or my resources page for recommendations).
Divorce may not be what you want… but abuse, adultery, addiction, and abandonment make divorce necessary to live a thriving life!
Help is out there. Let me know if you need encouragement to find it.
May God bless your healing journey,
Related Posts:
- 7 Phases of Divorce Recovery
- The Dangers of Long-Term Separation
- “It Wasn’t Me!” (Realizing You Weren’t to Blame for the Breakdown of Your Marriage)
My marriage began to take a toll on me physically. I ended up in the hospital. The doctors were considering lieukemia. I told my husband I was tired. He told me to get over it. That’s the lightbulb moment that I realized that this man did not love me.
He ran around. He came home from work, cleaned up and left almost every night. He was with friends, doing hobbies, meeting up at the mall, working out, anything to avoid being home. He said he wasn’t having an affair, but physically and emotionally, he had left the marriage. Eventually, emotional affairs did turn into physical ones, and I’m thankful that God worked it out to get me and my children out of there.
I would agree that God hates divorce, but what I learned going through my own is that God hates to see His child hurting even more. For me, though I prayed and did everything I could to save my marriage, divorce became necessary. Mankind has free will, and my husband chose to walk away.
I can relate. My body took a huge toll from remaining married for all those years. It helped me to realize that no one in my family nor my (now ex-) husband’s family cared about me. They said they loved me because their actions said otherwise. To them, I was faking my medical diagnoses to get attention or “using it as a crutch.” Sometimes divorce is what saves us from further harm. I’m glad you are finding healing and getting healthy. Thanks for sharing your story!
I have finally reached the point where I’m ready to walk out and put an end to the cycle. For many years I lived in so much confusion and attempted to do more and more to be a submissive and a more Godly wife (because I was being told that I wasn’t and that that was the reason why we were having problems). When he cheated on me while I was pregnant and abandoned us, I still took him back for the sake of our family and working things out. When I had to leave my home because of his fit of rage, I went to my church and while I was supported, I was still encouraged to seek marriage counseling and reconcile. I was such a mess and so low at that point that I was still seeking to please others and not break up the family. But God knew it was time for me to finally face the reality. He has built me back up and strengthened and given me a new spirit of boldness because I now know my worth in Him, not on what others tell me I am or I’m not. God has never intended to keep me imprisoned by marriage when all it was doing was slowly breaking me down emotionally, spiritually and physically. God has opened my eyes to his false repentance and still pervasive emotional manipulations, even if he now doesn’t yell or straight out doesn’t berate me as he used to. He just got better at doing the damage I suppose without detection. Yet, I know that I cannot spend anymore years under the oppression. My life depends on it. And as you said, I don’t want my kids to be from a broken family but more than anything I don’t want them to see this as normal. I’m placing my trust that’s God is going before me as he gave me Isaiah 54 as his promise to me. Thanks for all you do Jen.
Sue, it is so, so great that you’ve found your worth!! It’s so sad to me to see women in abusive marriages, where they’re not valued. I believe that is a “broken family.” God doesn’t see us this way or want us to be treated so poorly, yet we allow it… calling it love. Life after divorce is not broken… as God will heal you. God keeps His promises and will take care of you, always. You just have to believe it!
Thanks for this . I’m married to an alcoholic who denies he has a problem most of the time. I have contemplated getting a divorce but have a hard time going through with it. I worry about my financial loss and I am nearing 60 years old with a low income($25000) I have been emotionally and verbally abused by this man for 7 years and have separated many times then went back and it starts up again after “the honeymoon stage” is over. We are separate now since May but I still see him occasionally. He constantly texts me and can be very manipulating. I’m so worn out by it and pray for God’s intervention
Rosina, I promise God will provide for you. Income doesn’t matter to God. He may not always provide what the luxuries in life but He always come through with our daily bread (all that we need). When I divorced I had no idea how I’d survive with 2 kids and a low income… but now 6 years later, we’ve never been homeless or gone hungry. It can seem scary, but God keeps His promises. (Also, check out my resources page for links to help.)
God bless you for finding your worth and strength in Christ. What a beautiful place that is to be. After 23 yrs of marriage, 2 amazing sons and much heartbreak (my husband’s porn/sex addiction, drinking) we are now separated. I am rediscovering me, and who Christ wants me to .be. There is a beautiful song by Lauren Daigle, I believe its called “You Say”.
Thank you and God bless you Jen for your ministry to all of us who are walking this journey.?
You’re welcome! Glad to have you along on this journey to healing.
after reading and re reading this blog, i am just recommending to a whole lot of Christian women,i live in a country in Africa where the pastors still speak and tell the women that its their fault when things go wrong in marriage. Its who we really are in Christ that should matter, i walked out of my marriage after 21 abusive years, and the blame was on me that i wasn’t a good wife,but i found my peace and i free to worship and love my Maker more now that when i was stuck in an unhappy and toxic marriage. I found my voice,my strength and free to lift my hands in worship and praise, Living a lie was literally killing me inside and outside, thank you for reaching out
I’m sorry for what you’ve experienced and what is happening to abused women in Africa. Good for you for helping other women who are where you used to be. I’m sure you bring them much hope. Thank you for sharing my ministry and website. I hope your ladies find hope and empowerment here. And may God bless you richly!
I continue to read your blog, mostly for recovery purposes now; however, the healing process is not linear, but sometimes reloops — so I get validation and affirmation by reading some of your posts. I am almost 18 months post the divorce and over 2 years since he left. He has remarried – to the woman with whom he cheated on me and hardly anyone (including his two sons) went to the wedding about 6 weeks ago. I was married to this man almost 32 years so there is a lot of healing to go through. This post, about deciding to divorce, would have been so helpful early on b/c I felt, as a Christian woman, that many of the things mentioned, I went through myself. Until HIS sister asked me to look up “gas lighting” I struggled tremendously about what to do (granted, I was now in a new town, a relatively new state, and no support system except out of state family and friends). The A-Ha Moment – a valuable asset in determining what is going on so you can decide what to do. I was “looking for answers in all the wrong places” and even endured a disaster of an intensive marriage counseling session (3 days) by a Christian counselor who missed it. Once the light is shed on the actual problem, then there is a direction to go forward and I wished I had seen your blog when I was beginning the process. Thank you for what you do, the words you used to describe it so succinctly, and I pray others will find solace and peace in these steps because it is very difficult work, but worth it. I have passed your info onto SO many women in search of answers. There are way too many of us out there.
So true! Six years later I still feel parts of me learning and healing. That’s why I try to write for every stage – even the life rebuilding and maintenance (maintaining the work that has been done). I believe healing takes several years, especially if there was abuse involved. Thank you for sharing your experience and this ministry with others. Glad to have you along on this journey, no matter what healing phase you are in, how fast you’re moving, and if you have setbacks or not.
Many pastors and people helpers will say “But the Bible says God hates divorce!” (Malachi 2). But I say it’s NOT the paperwork or legal process that He hates!!! He hates the betrayal and treachery! He hates the broken covenant!!!! The paperwork and legal stuff just reflects what has happened already when the covenant was broken.
Yes, exactly! Thanks for sharing that with this community!
I think the wife is the only one who can say if the abuser is “repentant” or not. AND I think the wife IS NOT REQUIRED to reconcile even if he is “repentant” (she can if she wants) BECAUSE the abuser broke the covenant and destroyed trust.
I don’t think many here will disagree with you! 🙂
My husband of over 12 years has been physically abusive at times, but verbally abusive more than half the time it feels like, on and off, to myself and our children. He was even getting verbally violent regularly and even physically violent sometimes with my teenaged daughter from a prior relationship (he raised her from 6 month’s old).
I forced him to leave, but I have not yet called for the police on the child abuse. He denied it all, but couldn’t deny the alcohol after he blacked out – he is on prescription pain medications for many legitimate physical issues also, so there is a lot of mess to deal with.
He’s been disabled for 8 years, and his attitude has only become worse with time. I was his caregiver, though I worked full time. I’m now in jeopardy of losing my job to care for my children.
I understand the Bible passage saying the divorce causes the woman to commit adultery, at least in a way. I can’t afford to care for my kids and everything else without the help he had provided…
But we are safer now. It’s only been two weeks, but I know God will get us through it. He has a plan for us, for me. I just need patience.
Oh, so glad you are now safe!! Please check out my articles about being prepared for divorce and surviving financially. I don’t think I agree that Matthew 5:32 keeps any woman stuck in an abusive marriage. We can all pick one verse out of the Bible and make it mean what we want. But when we study the Bible as a whole, at the time a certain passage was written, what was going on at the time, and who it was written for, we may see a totally different picture of what that verse really means. If you divorce, you are NOT guilty of adultery. I hope that helps!
Hello,
My husband and I have been married for almost 5.5 years. 2 months after we got married the church where we attended fell apart. My husband took it especially hard and it brought forth behaviors I was not aware of. He viewed our relationship like those at the church ( which he just recently admitted to) and shut me out. Every time life got hard and we disagreed he would say things like “ I don’t love you”, and this isn’t going to work, we are not compatible. He also threw out divorce a couple times. I used to sit in front of the door so he could not leave. Other times he would leave for hours. Once he left and went to Colorado. Recently we talked about having kids and there was this growing hesitance in me I couldn’t pin down. I realized it was due to me not trusting my husband would stick around and not abandon our family if things got rough. When I brought this up to him that I was having these concerns and am not happy he responded the same stating he’s been saying this for years that this won’t work. He said he would potentially due counseling. We decided to separate until he can decide what his goals are. He left after that and went away again for 4 days. Now he’s saying he’d be up for counseling. When asked why his response was “ because I have Not tried it”. I find myself ready to be done. Emotionally I’m spent. I don’t know if I can recover from the years of hurtful words and actions. I don’t miss that he is gone. I was never one for divorce but my last hope left with is response to our recent conversation. I don’t know what to do 😞
Thank you Jen for your inspirational, uplifting, motivating and strengthening website! I have been living in an emotionally abusive marriage for almost 20 years, moved to the US around 19 years ago. So new to this country without a job, friends or family I trusted my husband to care for me and love me. Sadly little did I know his true colors that started to emerge only after marriage. I knew something was wrong with him just by reactions, anger and cursing for just trivial things. Unfortunately, as I was starting to decide whether to leave him and head back overseas to join my family I got pregnant so he threatened me with child custody issues if I left. Fast forward to next year when my son turns 18 I now want to go ahead with the divorce and subtly brought it up to him just couple weeks ago when things took an ugly turn and he is now literally behaving like a monster towards my son and me. Think I caught him off guard as he may not have expected me to actually divorce him after 2 decades. He has threatened to leave me penniless if we divorce, thankfully I do have a good job and am relying solely on God’s grace to take me through the end of this awful nightmare. I visit your site frequently and I’m so touched by ALL your articles. Please pray for me that I will have the strength to take this through the end as I sometimes withdraw in fear and tend to change my mind, but I only know things will get worse if I continue to stay in this toxic marriage. I am 51 so really think it’s best to proceed with it in 2023 once my son turns 18 as I do not want to look back on my life when I turn 70 and see that I’m dying anyway in an abusive marriage!
I have been married for 47 years to a narcissist. Before marriage, I never realised that when he coerced me to have sex in his car for the first time, it was actually abuse because I was very uncomfortable and shy, but allowed it because I didn’t know what else to do. I had no car of my own, nor a means of finding my way home, so I had nowhere to run. He convinced me that he loved me but I was very confused about his interpretation of love. I was only 19 and a very naive virgin. We married because I was pregnant and I decided to stay in the marriage for the sake of my child and then had two more children. He made me believe the reason he was into porn and had adulterous affairs because I never gave him enough in the bedroom. It took me years to figure this one out, being confused about how much is enough! I was put on a guilt trip by a pastor who said that my husband would not go out for burgers if he got steak at home, but deep down I realised that if you love someone you don’t cheat on them! I forged through our marriage in tears, suffering through the heartache of his 3 serious affairs and multiple sexual dates with a variety of women. Not once in our 47 years did I cheat on him because I took my marriage vows seriously, but he disregarded them and broke our covenant. Continuing on, the last 15 years I have endured his addiction to porn because of its availability everywhere and even found out that he visited prostitutes and had accounts on a couple of dating sites as if he is a single man! Like some of you posting comments here, I never wanted my children to bear the stigma of a divorced family. Now my children are grown and live elsewhere. The two daughters are married with children. Sadly my son married the wrong girl and it ended in divorce after having two children. It was devastating. My husband still has a porn addiction and at times, behaves very much like a narcissist. He has never been physically violent but words and behavior are just as bad. At the age of 67 I see no way out of this because I will have no income of my own, let alone the emotional trauma that would result. My daughters would support me, but I feel I can’t hurt them by the news that I want out. I continue in the grace of God and keep believing for a miracle in his life. My one daughter put a hard word on me, saying that I should be happy in the abuse because I am not holding him accountable for his actions and that I am the cause of his bad behavior and have allowed it to flourish. This hurt very much, but maybe it’s the truth.
The part about the burgers and the steak made me so angry inside. I’m crying reading what you have gone through. I’m so very sorry. This part is what I’m afraid of in my life as I age “My one daughter put a hard word on me, saying that I should be happy in the abuse because I am not holding him accountable for his actions and that I am the cause of his bad behavior and have allowed it to flourish. This hurt very much, but maybe it’s the truth.” –
Please don’t be hard on yourself but yes, even at 67 I understand how hard it is.
Thank you for your website. I left my emotionally abusive husband but he’s telling people my emotional state is the reason I keep leaving him & this is because of my childhood trauma. I can’t prove it and because he’s saying these things & blaming me for everything that’s gone wrong in our marriage I’m dreading the next step to be finally free of the man I wish I’d never met. I’m worried how I will be portrayed by him and I fear he will make my life a living hell until the divorce is finalised.
Hi Jen, I am in a very difficult situation where I feel that the abuse in my marriage has become unbearable to the point of thinking of ending my own life many times. We’ve only been married for 3 years and in that time I feel that so much of my childhood trauma, my own issues and pains have just driven me into spaces that I don’t want to be. I feel that I’m hopeless right now and that I entered this marriage thinking wow I will have a husband and a life and everything will be fine and it’s a living hell. When I met my husband we were 26 years old. I was sanctified, separated and walking with Christ. I knew my self in God. I had been walking with the Lord since I was 19.
He said he was a Christian but did not act like one. On our wedding night I fell pregnant.
He was emotionally abusive, gas lighting and always running away from problems. He abandoned me in the city many times during the pregnancy. He hit me, he threw me down stairs when I was pregnant with our daughter and things got so bad that I eventually had to ring the police. The church supported him and told me I was crazy.
The church actually said I should just be better behaved and I should be grateful to have my husband. My friend told me she would pray for us. The more she prayed he seemed to get worse and I lost myself in the process. I began to feel chronically ill. I went into hospital. I got diagnosed with new mental illnesses and social services came and took my baby away from me.
Now we have moved to another country and got a new house here. I am chronically ill and I doubt myself all of the time. I’m a shell of the person I was.
I’m in private therapy. I have a lot of childhood abuse issues I’m working through. I have got complex PTSD and I feel that I am unable to fully be present and trust people after what has happened. To make matters worse my husband stopped working and refused to work so we are currently on benefits because of him not having an income I feel so dependant on him as I have a chronic illness which means he has to stay home and be my ‘carer’ he’s not actually doing anything other than now and again nipping to the shop for me.
He shouts at me and belittles me all of the time, he’s always gaslighting me to the point where I feel as though I’m losing my sanity. I have since been praying to God please find me a way out of this marriage.
Every time I bring up an issue he will tell me that I am the issue
I can never talk to him about issues because he will say I am the devil
He says Satan lives inside of me
He degrades me
Calls me horrible names, crazy, psychotic etc
Then when he calms down he will be the nicest, most sweet and loving person
He will attempt to do things for me but I can see behind the motive
I tried to kill myself 10 times last year, I took overdoses, jumped in front of cars I basically lost it completely.
He then went on to say I was mad totally and he was the only person I should trust and then I found out that he had been drinking, smoking and having an affair while we were engaged. (Bare in mind I did not smoke, I did not drink nor did I have any sexual interest at all since being saved and born again, I really just wanted to serve the Lord)
I’m genuinely scared of other people because of him
He would say “You can’t trust that person.. they aren’t a christian”
“Who are you speaking to!?” And now we are isolated in the countryside with no church. I feel terrified to speak to other people about the abuse. I fear that because of the abuse I’m abusive now too because I cry and I shout back at him, I’ve broken objects in the house out of over stimulation and had many melt downs (I am diagnosed with ASD)
I am 29 years old and I feel as though the life has been drained out of me the last 3 years with this man, when I was pregnant he made me sleep on the floor in the house we were living in at the time (we have recently moved) my brain is just all over the place. I’m constantly telling my best friend what is happening but because she cares about him she wants the best for both of us.
I keep doubting my reasons to leave… I say to myself “If I leave I will be alone and no one to help me I’m ill now and I can’t do anything for myself”
“I’m scared that there will be nobody to help me around the house”
“I’m socially already isolated if my husband leaves I will have nobody” and nobody knows the extent of the pain.
I’m terrified if I leave the church will reject me always
I’m scared that I will never have friends again and be alone
I’m scared that this is my reality and I don’t know how to leave. I feel so toxically attatched to this man. My head says, have you not prayed for him some more? Why is your faith not there?
The internal voice becomes this nasty voice in my head which doesn’t sound like God but I interpret it as God.
Please help I feel like my sanity can’t take much more. How do I join for help?