Infidelity does not come from a lack of love, it comes from a lack of respect. – Unknown
Healthy relationships are based on love, trust, mutual respect, and honor (high esteem for the other person and the commitment that was made). Marriage includes respect, care, and concern for all of the members of the immediate and extended family. And most importantly, a respect for the legacy each of us leaves behind – our kids are always watching and learning what is normal to pass down to their children.
Love, honor, and respect, build trust in one another. There is security knowing that the parties are loyal to one another and always looking out for what is best for each other and the whole family, rather than just one person (self).
Infidelity takes a wrecking ball to that entire foundation of a marriage, family, and the couple’s legacy. In the place of a healthy relationship (if there ever was one) is contempt (meaning “worthless, beneath consideration”), deception, dishonor, and disloyalty.
This kind of trauma ruins the foundation of security, that you thought you had for life, in marriage. It’s severely shaken. Deep insecurity and fear creep in while the connection is lost, and life as you know it is forever changed.
Most marriages find it hard to recover after infidelity… which I write more about in part two and three of this series.
The trauma.
When you think of trauma think of blunt force. Trauma tends to come on all at once and be quite serious. Someone who experiences trauma will have either a traumatic injury or traumatic distress. – Source: Vocabulary.com
It is quite a blow to every part of your emotional, spiritual, and physical being when you find out that your “life partner” has been lying to you and has brought a third person into your marriage. Most times it’s like being hit by a bus you never saw coming. One day you’re enjoying your family and thinking about your life ahead together, and then next thing you know you’re faced with extremely distressing news and life-threatening circumstances.
I personally remember, my mind started to lay out the pieces of the puzzle, called our life, and I started making huge connections. Those times he was “stuck in traffic,” asked to stay later or other stories that didn’t make sense. The crazy-making fights that were started over nothing just so he could leave or hideaway somewhere to sneak to his phone (or computer). The accusations that I might be cheating on him with the UPS man. The weird dreams about him and a “girlfriend” with no face. I knew it wasn’t just me making things up in my head. It made me want to vomit. It was all starting to make sense now. The things that I felt in my gut, were really true.
No, we’re not crazy! We’re being deceived.
I was a little relieved and very much in pain all at the same time. The rug had been pulled out from under me and as I lay in a mess of a ton more emotions and feelings… that I’ll get into in part two of this Betrayal Trauma series.
That day… the day the trauma hit, discovery day (D-day), is the hardest day. The day you realize, nothing will ever be the same and you have been betrayed by your partner.
The betrayal.
Betrayal’s root is betray, which comes from the Middle English word bitrayen — meaning “mislead, deceive.” Betrayal has to do with destroying someone’s trust, possibly by lying. – Source: Vocabulary.com
Men are supposed to love, honor, cherish and protect their wives not hurt and betray them.
The days and weeks after I learned the truth, I wanted so badly to find an excuse for this extreme lack of integrity and all of the deception. I reached out to my church to give me some answers. Not once did anyone point out the fact that this betrayal was an act of abuse – a blatant act of disrespect for me, as a human being with feelings and rights, and of our marriage (the vows, the commitment, or the future). Not one person pointed the finger at the one doing the betrayal but all sorts of other excuses and blame were given. I was so confused. (And we all know that’s not from God.)
Like most innocent wives, the finger was pointed at many different things (lack of intimacy, stress, lack of love, etc.) but not where it should have been pointed – towards the character of the one doing the betraying.
It wasn’t until the very end of my marriage, after multiple affairs, that someone said to me, “Jen, you had every reason to cheat in your marriage, after multiple times being abandoned and never being loved or cherished, AND YET, you were the one who stayed faithful throughout. What would have happened if the tables were turned? He would have used that as an excuse to leave you years ago. Why do you stay? He has never been loyal to you!“
She was so right! Why did I have such low standards of myself to allow myself to be betrayed, not once or twice but at least four different times. This is not to say any of those times were my fault. Instead, it points out the character of the parties in my marriage. I was the only one who kept the commitment and loyalty to the vows I took on my wedding day, in front of God and everyone.
[socialrocket-tweet quote=”We can’t force someone to not betray us but we can decide how much we’ll put up with.” tweet=”We can’t force someone to not betray us but we can decide how much we’ll put up with. “]
The third person was invited.
A person who commits adultery has to think, do I pick up the phone and call this other woman or not? How can I sneak away? What if my wife finds out? Should I delete this email/text message? What do I say about the tire issue on our secret lunch date? What do I say to the guy at work who knows? How do I explain the purchases on our bank statement?
Adultery occurs in the head long before it occurs in the bed. – Chuck Swindoll
There is a thought process that the guilty party goes through. Covering the lies and making up excuses. Betrayal like adultery is never a slip-up or a mistake. It’s planned and intentional. Making a choice to accept another person into a two-person relationship.
After walking through several betrayals, serial adulterers spend more of their time learning how to better cover their tracks and blaming their victims than they do at actually changing their character. If they do it once, especially twice, they’ll do it again.
If an unselfish person is unhappy in their marriage and not getting what they need from the marriage, the healthy thing to do would be to talk to your spouse and/or seek professional help. The destructive way to handle an unhappy life is to just find a new partner and lie to everyone involved – and don’t forget to blame the victim.
Narcissistic, toxic people pick the second option every single time!
Therefore, the betrayal is never the fault of the innocent party. It’s never the fault of the faithful spouse no matter what excuse they try to give, how much they try to blame, or how much they try to cover it up. It was a choice to betray trust, break vows, lie and sneak around, and choose sin over obedience to God. The third person was invited and then accepted the invitation.
That’s where the blame lies! In the hands of the two that took a marriage from two to three.
[socialrocket-tweet quote=”Someone doesn’t choose to cheat because of who YOU are, they cheat because of who THEY are.” tweet=”Someone doesn’t choose to cheat because of who YOU are, they cheat because of who THEY are.”]
Read (Part Two) Betrayal Trauma: Real-Life Pain that Follows, now.
I’d love it if you’d share your story in the comments. Others need to hear that they’re not alone… neither are you!
God bless your healing journey,
Wondering how you’ll survive divorce? I share my journey to healing in my new book, You Can Survive Divorce: Hope, Healing, and Encouragement for Your Journey available now on Amazon.
I found out 18 months ago about my husbands affair. He promised to stop and we began working on our marriage. One year later, I find out that he is still seeing her, has probably never really stopped. To call it trauma doesn’t even begin to cover it. I don’t think there are words to adequately describe the devastation and soul shattering grief that I experienced and continue to experience. I agree with you Jen, that it is abuse. It is emotional abuse, soul abuse and spiritual abuse. How can it not be abuse when you look at all the hurt and trauma that come from it. And the other two parties are completely oblivious to what they are doing to their spouses and to their children. Or, they simply do not care. It’s all about them and the “soul mate” that they have discovered. It is just so sad.
The good news is that through this my faith has grown so much! I have a hope and a joy and a peace that passes all understanding! It can only come from God. I am secure in His arms and He will see me through this and walk with me. And when I need it, He will carry me. I am his daughter and He will protect me and lift my head. I am safe in His arms! I thank Him every day for the blessings that He is bringing into my life and I look forward to the blessings that are to come. While I don’t understand this and why it has happened, I can trust my Heavenly Father to work all things for my good. I am standing on that promise!!
Laura, I can relate to the continued infidelity while lying about it. That deception and gaslighting (trying to convince us that we’re crazy to think he’s still cheating) is so hurtful. How does one learn to trust again after that? But God! You’re so right. Standing on His promises with you!
I was married for 14 years, and was with my husband for a total of 19. I discovered 2 years ago that he has been cheating on me since before we were married. Not only did he have affairs with friends, but he developed a second identity and trolled the fetish websites and performed “experiments” on multiple women over the last 6 years. We are divorced now. The deception was too much for me. I feel like my entire marriage was a sham. He denies this and says he was addicted. I think he thinks by saying that it makes it more acceptable. That it wasn’t “him” doing the cheating.
I worked 2 jobs sometimes because he could never seem to get one. He was a musician so he had gigs, but nothing full time. Looking back I feel so stupid for enabling his addiction.
I’m worried that I will never be able to trust again. He was so good at turning me around when I started getting close to god omg something out. I have no idea if the truth has ever come out of his mouth.
But I do know that I am lovable. And I am worthy of love. And God will redeem me.
Rachel, sadly so many adulterers are serial adulterers. That entitlement to have what they want sexually just gets carried into a marriage. The blame lies solely on him as we don’t deserve that! You are lovable and love by God. And God will redeem your story in His perfect time.
I left my husband last year after discovering my husband of over 30 years had been hiding almost our entire savings. He had spent 10 months convincing me that he had not had an affair after some things began to come out. He had even begged, cried and groveled for the way he treated me. As I began to ask questions and demand answers , he began to throw me under the bus in front of our kids. I let him as I wanted to know what was in his heart. We went to two counselors. The first one – his wife left him as he was physically abusing her. They are now divorced and yes, he was a real counselor. The second one was an older man from our church ( that we are no longer at) and it was a disaster. He listened and just said it was all circumstantial and did I really want to break my family apart! Yep. He really said that.
There is so much more but the thing I struggle with the most is why he hid that money. I discovered that and left him for almost two weeks. Only came home to take our youngest son who was graduating from high school ( lovely senior year) to a promised youth group trip that I had promised to go and help with. He met with a friend from church to talk while I was gone. He also met with our Pastor who just listened and couldn’t even give my husband a recommendation for a counselor. My husband promised we would go when I came home from trip with son.
He won’t go. Says he’s told me the truth about everything! I told him the only reason I could ever think of a man hiding that kind of money is if he was going to leave for another woman. He says no. It was pride. I called out that bs. He has never payed a finger on me. He has spent the last year busting his tail to convince me he is completely committed. I have all the money and keep track of everything. Our kids are grown but still have some young adult kids who live here. It’s been a tough year with the death of my brother and our parents are beginning to have health issues.
I struggle tremendously at times. We are at a different church and no one there knows about any of this.
On top of that, I swear this woman plays mind games with me on FB. She has me blocked but I check her page at times. I probably shouldn’t but still do. Yep. She’s married too and almost 10 years younger and a work out queen.
We’ve only had two brief text conversations and I really think I was nice- considering… lol. You won’t be able to email me so just answer on here if you want. There is more but just can’t go into right now.
She is supposed to be a Christian and is about to preach in her small church for the third time this weekend. I actually watched online off the internet and she is just bizarre. That is what kills me even more.
He didn’t leave and seems to want to just go on. I honestly just don’t know if I can. Thanks for listening.
Stillhere, don’t worry I don’t email anyone who posts in the comments. And requested email addresses are not published so commenters are free to leave anonymous comments. 🙂
I have had two text exchanges with her. This began to unfold Sept. 2015. He was supposed to have told her that he could no longer do work for them. She is a designer and worked with the company he did some work for.She was also beginning her own company. He came home in Jan. And showed me a text from her. She was asking him if he wanted to do some work for her and named what it was. He hadn’t answered her.
I took his cell and left the house. Keep in mind that it had been hours since he got the text. I texted her…. ” He won’t be able to do anymore work for you”. She texted back immediately… ” I’m sorry ….. if I’ve offended in any way”. I texted back… ” This is actually his wife”… She immediately began to tell me how professional there relationship had been and gave me details on working together. I texted back… ” Does your husband know you have meetings in your home alone with married men?”….. I guess you could say at this point she must have figured what I was wondering. I never called her a name or asked if she’d had something with my husband. That one question was the boldest thing I had asked. She went into great detail again over their work relationship. She then went on to tell me that her husband was aware of the conversation we were having and she would be blocking the number when she got home. I hadn’t responded and then she texted she wouldn’t want to be in my shoes and she would pray for me. I texted her back to go ahead and block the number and just pray for herself! That was the end of that.
I called my husband and he met me and read every message. When he was finished, I asked him why I had to do this. He said I was just defending my marriage. I told him wrong answer and we hashed it out. Fast forward 3 months later when we went back the second time to the old man from church. I won’t even explain that right now. We were home the next day and I realized I had never checked the number to see if she had really blocked him so I did. It rang and her work message went on and I hung up quickly. 20 seconds later she texts… ” The block has run out. I’m re locking. Stop harassing me!” … I tried to text her but she already blocked me so I went on pm on her business FB page and said… ” Same here B****”. She had blocked me in Jan. From her personal page. I went straight to my husband and told him and we had a huge argument over it. I asked him why she would be so defensive if she was innocent. He told me that was between me and her. I told him there was no between me and her. He groveled big time and apologized. This was three months before I discovered the money gone.
Here is what has happened in the last year since I’ve come home. I was getting my hair done one day and she came out to leave with fouls in her hair and made a comment in general to ladies in waiting room. 30 seconds later I realize it was her. I’m pretty sure she realized I was there to because the next day on her FB she puts up this entire thing about personal trainer friends of hers and pictures of someone improving with each visit and goes into this whole thing about starting somewhere. I blew it off. She really loves herself but thought maybe just coincidence.
Then at Christmas time I passed her down the road . I know her car and she knows my husbands truck that I drive now. We were going slow in a school zone and I could see her clearly. I didn’t check her page for a few days but when I did, she had put up a post that she had been looking for Christmas music but wanted to share this song. She literally wrote..” Ha! The memories! Fun times!!” I went on YouTube and listened. It was a very secular filthy song about sex in the summer( when all this was happening) and even went into positions! I was horrified to see she had put this up later on the day we saw each other on the road. Honestly…. how can that be a coincidence because what woman puts a song up like that on FB while saying she was looking for Christmas music?
This is so helpful to read your blog Jen and everyone’s comments. Here is my experience that I would never want to wish on anyone.
It was almost a year ago today that I made my discovery. My high school sweetheart, and husband of 16 years was cheating. I will never forget how God led me to see the deception. I was on my hands and knees praying for help with my marriage. He was very distant and cold after the boys and I returned home from our family trip that he was too busy to join us on. After my prayer I was led to look further into what might be going on. I found the messages back and forth to his employee. It was as though I were in a daze. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. He has fired people for what he was now doing.
I didn’t know what to do. I had no family and very few friends as we move all of the time for his career. I decided to not confront him right away and seek an attorney. He was also going through a lot of money on his “work” credit card and other secret purchases that he decided to share with the new girl. I had to protect myself and the boys. I am so glad that I found this rather then being blind sided. I was prepared.
It was a time in my life that I will never forget. Not only going through adultery and divorce but also almost losing my sister in a very high risk pregnancy. She lost her triplets but thankfully she survived. I was mourning the loss of my nieces and the loss of my best friend/husband. Through all of this I became closer to God. I honestly do not know how anyone can get through tragedy without faith in the Lord to help them.
It’s amazing what a year can make. The boys and I move into our own home next week. It’s a lot of adjustment and work but it’s most definitely a better year then last year. I still have sad days where I just need a good cry. Angry days where I want to confront her and let her know how hateful she is. I am comforted in knowing that our time here on earth is so short. I choose to stay strong to God’s word and know that he is in control and will take care of things in his own way.
Thank you again to all of you ladies and Jen for your support and in sharing your experiences. Prayers to you all!
“I am comforted in knowing that our time here on earth is so short.”
Yes! Me too! Everyone will make an account for their choices and behavior. Reminding myself of that helps me to remember God sees, He knows, and He will take care of it so I should be in control of my own behavior/choices rather than anyone else’s.
And you’re welcome! Thanks for sharing your story and may God bless your new home.
I remember the day when I realized I wasn’t the first woman in my husband’s affections and loyalty. It was my mother-in-law. I wasn’t second: that spot belonged to our daughter. I wasn’t even third. That belonged to the dog! I was a distant fourth. Merely a warm body to force physical intimacy on and be put down or called names. Someone who wasn’t worthy of being respected or cherished.
It’s going on 3 years since my divorce was final. It’s been a VERY challenging time. I found out, after the divorce was over, that my ex had hid money in a secret account. My sons don’t want to talk to me, partially because of things he has said to them. In addition to my marriage falling apart, my father died of cancer and had to be buried on my birthday of all days! However, God has been with me every step of the way and brought me to hope and a future. He walked with me through the very difficult process of forgiveness and letting go. Recently, He showed me that He used this time to really get my attention and focus on Him. When the storms knocked my foundation out from under me, He used that space to build a better, more permanent one.
I don’t want to make it sound like my life is rosy and the sun always shines. That’s not true. I have sad days but I am learning to really lean into God and listen for Him. I decided to trust His promise, “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. Then all these things will be added unto you.” He is answering.
I know that pain as well, sadly. I was also last on the importance list which makes someone feel like they’re not worthy of love, care, or concern. We were treated with indifference and contempt. I was left in a hospital pregnant and sick… without even a phone call to see how I or our son was doing.
If it helps you to know I plan to write a series on abuse – psychological, emotional, sexual, and (maybe) spiritual (I’m still planning it) – in October (2017) for Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Treating someone in these ways is definitely ‘psychological abuse trauma’ rather than the betrayal trauma (which I’m talking about in this series) one feels after adultery.
Thanks for sharing your story! I’m sure many can relate.
This has happened to me more than once, unfortunately, in my relationship history. I’ve tried to get to the root cause. My own parents went through a divorce that hurt us kids deeply (growing up in the 80s as a kid). Back then, many children didn’t receive healing/therapy from divorce, and now many psychologists believe children from divorced homes are more likely to divorce when they’re older. I came from a fairly large family (5 of us), so it was always hard to get a lot of one on one attention growing up. I also lived mostly with my mom during this time, and she worked and seemed stressed out most of the time, and I saw my dad mostly every other weekend.
My mom remarried and had another daughter, but left this man after 2 years because he verbally and physically abused her, and started yelling at and spanking us kids hard at his whim. He punished me more than my sister (I was 6 or 7 at the time) because I always tried to stand up for myself and fight back or defend my mom. Even after the divorce, my step father’s presence was felt as he lived close by and was allowed to influence my youngest sister’s life. (I hated this man for years and he picked on me/complained about me for years, and my mother never really stopped it.) The other 4 of us were made aware that she was special and we had a different set of rules/standards growing up. She was given the best of everything and never had to wait for anything because of her dad, while we had Kmart clothes and were not given just anything we wanted. My mom gave her more attention and talked to her differently and disciplined her differently. I was bitter towards my parents growing up because of all this drama going on, but could never really express it in the right words as a child. I wanted my dad to rescue us from this situation; I looked to him to be the hero.
I was also very insecure as a child about my looks. My dad never openly expressed compliments very often, because he felt like he didn’t want to “spoil” us girls, but he gave more attention to his sons. He was strict and very logical. After about 8 years of seeing both my parents date other people and all kinds of drama, they decided to try again and that God had brought them back together again. I had prayed a lot for this to happen as a child, although it is rare that families do this. I was a teenager(13) and was starting to get close to and learn more about God. I believed in miracles, and lo and behold my parents got remarried! Sweet ending right? Or so I thought. Although, I was happy, the seeds of bitterness had already been sown, and the enemy wasn’t going to give up that easily. He hates when God restores broken things. I write all this because it may help to understand why some of the things that happened to me later on with my own relationships happened the way they did.
Things did get a little better for us as a family after my parents were remarried, but we children were left in the dark as to why the divorce happened and questions surrounding a lot of things that went on during that time. We were just supposed to move on as one big happy family. My dad sheltered me a lot as I was the oldest daughter. I wasn’t allowed to date, etc. and then we girls were homeschooled for high school. I obeyed because I had missed my dad so much from my earlier years. Deep down, I didn’t think it was fair, but I felt he knew best. So basically, I didn’t have a lot of “street smarts” growing up when it came to guys, but I thought the Lord would protect me. My brothers and Dad were very good men and close to God during these years. I had no idea the kind of guys that could be lurking out there…not until college. (Sorry this is so long, I will finish the next part of the story here soon.)
Thank you for sharing, Christine. I believe a lot of our childhood trauma gets brought into our marriage if aren’t taught how to heal that pain. It sounds like you’re working on it now. Good for you! It took a divorce in my life to work through my past as well. We often just repeat the cycle of divorce and/or abuse – both male and female in different ways. I’m sure many can relate.
Thank you for this article…. amazing how true your words are. All the blame has been put on me from the time I discovered the affair last August….. i confronted him and of course she wad “just a friend.” I said “ok. A friend you want to sleep with.” His response….”of course I do. Look at her and look at you.”
Trauma describes this to a t. I told him to leave in January this year and we are currently in divorce proceedings. We have two girls 13 and 10. This road is long and God is in the driver’s seat. Thank you again Jen. This perspective has been so helpful.
Oh my gosh, Catharine! I’m so sorry he said such cruel and nasty things to you. No one deserves that! And I hope you know that that comment shows the UGLY character he is and not the character you are!! I’m praying for you! God bless!
My ex has been a serial cheater since his teens, unbeknownst to me. He was dating someone else when we met and continued to date her for a while. I had inklings through our 15 year marriage but he would always blame me, project, gaslight and just plain deny anything was going on. I didn’t have proof – for a while. When I did, just after our 2nd child was born, I went to our then-pastor about it and he pooh-poohed it and just told my ex to buy me flowers and “say he is sorry”. I was devastated. The abuse ramped up after that – more blatant gaslighting and emotional abuse as well as financial and sexual abuse. Finally, after several more years, I had more proof and I tentatively approached our new pastor who BELIEVED me, praise God. The church supported me and my kids and I were able to break free. Unfortunately, my ex still lies to and manipulates the kids and abuses me financially (he doesn’t pay child support). I am weary.
Walking that tough road with you, MicroGal! And so glad you got out! 🙂
I didn’t understand the history and dynamics of serial infidelity as well, until now. It seems some (if not all) serial cheaters have done it their entire “adult” (as soon as they’re sexually active) lives, most without any consequences. And when caught, especially in marriage, he’ll psychologically abuse his victims to cover his deep shame (not wanting to take any responsibility or find out why he makes these choices over and over again). That’s when the abuse really starts or becomes much worse for the victim as she is being blamed and gas-lite to believe it was her fault. I’m so glad some churches are learning about this instead of keeping their head in the sand about abuse and adultery.
I am so encouraged that I found your blog this evening! I am currently still trying to gain the courage for divorce. I have been struggling in my marriage from the beginning due to my husband being an addict.
After going through therapy and discovering that it’s ok to set boundaries and stop enabling, I told my husband I was moving with family until he goes to rehab. I had hoped that this would propel him into getting his act together, only to realize the opposite had happened.
I went to visit family in NY and found out my husband had met a girl at a bar and had been talking to her behind my back.
I don’t believe that there were any times of sexual intimacy but I still see this as infidelity and going outside our marriage.
I am struggling in the fact that he doesn’t believe this is so and doesn’t understand the impact That that relationship has had on my emotional connection with him.
We are still living together until I move in 3 weeks and I am so torn with emotions!!
Thank you for your words. I hope to find strength in them (and of course in God’s word as well)
Seek God and what He will have you do. He is the best Leader Guide. And I’m here for support. Glad to have you.
Wow this is really hard. My marriage of 26 years has ended in my eyes. I am trying to sort out lies that is not so easy. I am leaving you this with hopes that I have not completely lost it. My husband left me saying that he was leaving because of an argument that we had about our children namely my son who is in the army and his girl friend. My son was 18 and she was 16 soon to be 17. I did not want my sons girl friend moving in with us and he did. We attended church and lived what I thought a very good life wow I must have had blinders on. It was a year ago. So he left and got an apartment for my son and his girl friend to move in with each other. Come to find out I have texts from him to her(my sons girl friend) saying how much he loves her. When he starts an email he state Good morning Beatiful. And I have one saying how he is crying his eyes out because he forgot to send an email. /.// AM I CRAZY?????
Isn’t this an emotional affair. He says no. I think and have read a lot and that is what I think it is. AM I right?\
She also said that when my husband and her mind you my daughter and none of the other children were invited to go with to pick up my son. He touched her on her leg. She said it felt really weird. I told her that if it felt wrong it was.
I think he stepped over the line. I tried to mend my marriage however He told me he just was not into it. So I am getting divorced.
All of this said I just wanted to make sure I have the text messages from him to her since they are cut and past do you know if I will be able to use them?
Hi Sara! That’s really a question for your lawyer as each state or country has its own set of guidelines. Although I always say *document, document, document* to my clients while they’re going through a divorce or custody battle (and why I added those sheets to the child custody tool kit). We just don’t know what they’ll accept but I can tell you documentation is accepted more than a memory or someone’s word. So yes, keep everything in writing and print off the messages for your lawyer.
I know this is really hard. And I’m sure you’re not crazy. Be sure to watch my YouTube videos for more advice about that. https://www.youtube.com/c/jengrice But so glad to have you along on this journey to healing. You *WILL* get through this… and may be even better for it on the other side. God bless!
Jen;
I’m so glad God has directed me to you. I left my husband Easter Sunday 2019 after 8 years of marriage. We both were widowed after over 30 years of marriage and we both couldn’t believe we found love again. I left because of a lot of anger outbursts and verbal abuse. But the final straw was when he refused to go to counseling, stating he didn’t want to lose the right to own guns. Didn’t matter he was going to lose me. The night before I left after a week of angry outbursts and threats to kill himself because of me but this time he told me he would finally fix me by leaving a note saying I killed him. Since I left him he accused me of cheating on him, of course I would never do this I would have to be divorced before I would ever even look at another man, had my phone turned off and managed to still keep txting me with angry rants finally he decided he wanted to get counseling and couldn’t live without me telling
me he would do anything to reconcile. All of this only 2 months after I left. He recommended we stay separated and go to counseling and start dating again after awhile. While
I was reading your blogs and post and praying about what we should do it came to my attention that he has been dating another woman they even went away for a few days
to my husbands and my favorite get a way. This women he reconnected with on social Media about a month before I left.So who has been cheating. Even though we are separated his seeing her hurts so very bad and I find it so disrespectful. Needless to say there will not be any reconciliation. I thank you for your saying yes to God in your ministry. I’m so glad to have you along with me for this walk. God is so good. Thank you Warm hugs Marie
You’re welcome! I know it’s hard, but I’m glad you now see the truth.