That First Christmas (After Divorce)

Christmas is just days away.

The decorations were up early this year. They’re beautiful.

And we’ve been joyfully listening to Christmas music since November 1st. There is a happiness in the air that has been missing the last few years.

Maybe, many, many years if I am honestly admitting to how bad things really were.

Especially during the holidays.

Now we have hope and peace. Lots of hope! For a bright future ahead.

I see God’s hand in everything that has happened. Protection from further harm. God’s yearning to bring me out of the fire {and constant chaos} and into His safe haven. A place where He is the Head of our home again. A place where we could flourish and be all that He has created us to be.

The Grieving.

But before we got here… we had to get through the storm.

A year with no decorations.

That first Christmas is hard. That’s normal. We have to admit to really struggle to understand God’s plan for everything when times are hard. We’re grieving. The kids are grieving.

No one seems to care about those who are struggling to deal with the loss from divorce. And most people don’t want to see – or hear – about the pain. Pain that seems to overtake the joy. Especially during the holidays.

Holidays always have a way of highlighting what is lost.

Reminders of good years full of family. Only to sit alone looking at the decorations… still in the box.

“Are we not free to struggle?…”

This is what I wrote on my personal Facebook page on December 12, 2013. I had lost a friend, very unexpectedly. My divorce was just made final a couple days before.

I had no idea how we’d survive the devastation.

Who rents to an unemployed single mother? The responsibility weighed heavily on my shoulders. It felt like I was going to be crushed by it.

I just didn’t feel like pulling out the tree from the attic. The lights. My favorite nativity.

They were all left put away. I just wanted to bask in the darkness.

The looks on my kids’ faces said they were feeling the same.

No motivation to celebrate our Savior’s birth.

And to top it off, the local weather was extra wintery. The snow started in early November… with no break in sight. We had even forgotten what the ground looked like at that point.

Then an ice storm took out the power to the entire region.

The first night we stayed all cuddled together in my bed with winter coats and all the blankets we could find. The temps were in the teens outside. There was no way to make it another night.

Another local homeschool family, with an already full house (No room in the inn?), found room for us. We ended up staying a full week.

That was a hard first Christmas.

Hard to see other families still together. Looking happy.

Hard to see hope for our future. Hard not to feel totally rejected. Hard to understand God’s plan in all of this.

The future.

If this is your first Christmas, I’d like to share with you some hope…

Remind you of the real first hard Christmas.

God is still with you when you are struggling.

Even without a Christmas tree… God is still there.

He doesn’t need angels or a nativity in your living room to be there.

Even in the darkness… God is still there.

Even without water, heat, or a safe place to call home… God is still there.

Even when you feel like all is lost… with devastation all around you… God is still there.

When you feel rejected… God is still there.

When you feel abandoned… God is still there.

When you feel scared for the future… God is still there.

When you feel angry and your heart is breaking… God is still there.

God understands your pain and He is still right there with you.

God looks at you with love. He will see you through. And work things out for good.

Jesus was born on a hard first Christmas.

There was no “Christmas tree.” No electricity. No running water. No room in the inn.

It wasn’t safe to be the Only True King… in this sinful world.

But God was still there. Proving how He would redeem the world. Just like He did for Ruth.

Jesus is the redemption plan.

He will redeem you too.

While it may seem all dark and lonely where you are right now… a new life is coming.

People might feel uncomfortable with your pain but God never does.

We are free to struggle.

Even if that means you don’t put up the decorations and nativity this year.

Even if that means you don’t celebrate like everyone else is.

God is still with you and still loves you.

He will take care of you and restore you, too.

You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but You will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth. You will restore me to even greater honor and comfort me once again. – Psalm 71:20-21 NLT

Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are. In His kindness God called you to share in His eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, He will restore, support, and strengthen you, and He will place you on a firm foundation. – 1 Peter 5:7-10 NLT