And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. For God knew His people in advance, and He chose them to become like His Son, so that His Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And having chosen them, He called them to come to Him. And having called them, He gave them right standing with Himself. And having given them right standing, He gave them His glory. – Romans 8:28-30 NLT
Do you believe that God can work this (the divorce, abuse, abandonment, the financial stuff, the anxiety, & PTSD, loss of family or friends, and more) out, for good? I do!
I believe this because it says so in God’s word.
It also says, “He chose them to become like His Son“… “He called them to come to Him“… “He gave them right standing with Himself“… and, “He gave them His glory.“
What an awesome promise!
I believe this to mean that God, in His sovereignty and love for us, knows what is best for us. So for some of us, He called us back to Him from our abusive or sinful husbands – where we could never flourish. He wants to protect us and free us from oppression. With that freedom comes right standing and growth. To be more like His Son… Jesus. Eventually, we will see glory! (Oh, I can’t wait!!)
The gains.
Thanks to my divorce… Seriously! thanks!… I have produced the fruits of the Spirit. Something I don’t think I ever could have done while I was in a toxic marriage. Now I have had more time to work on myself. To be the best, fearlessly authentic, me. The woman God created me to be. I now can experience joy, peace, and so much more patience! One reason for that is, I no longer have drama invading my every single day.
Although some people from my past try I just don’t participate. That’s not selfish or immature that’s called self-care and boundaries.
Another gain is that I now mentor/coach other women who are struggling during and after divorce. I want to give them that same hope – something good can come out of something bad – and a strong faith that comes from working through the healing process with God.
A Strong Faith.
As I work on myself… my faith (much like Ruth’s) in God’s promises continues to grow. I trust Him with everything. (Even this blog.) For the last few years, He has shown me that He loves me while He protects, provides, and comforts me. Now, I’m not as easily swayed by small life storms that blow in. Because I know He’s got this storm too. In all of my trials… He always remains.
People may come and go… but God still remains.
People may hurt me and leave me… God still remains.
People might take from me and use me… God still remains.
People might take my children… God still remains.
Bad, sad, and scary things will happen… God still remains.
Faith is knowing that I have hope… for the future. And everything is as it should be. Hope that something beautiful is going to come out of my divorce. I may not see it yet… but I have faith that one day…
Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. – Hebrews 11:1
My loss.
I rarely talk about this part of my life, outside of a small number of close friends, but I think it needs to be shared now so that you know my life is not perfect, after divorce. Because it’s not.
If you did not know, I do not have a healthy relationship with my adult children. That is not my plan. I know some of you experience that same pain as well.
Because humans have free will, God – as well as myself, because love is respecting others’ boundaries – allows (adult) people to make their own choices in life. Even choices that are hurtful or sinful. Even in this situation, I truly believe God will work it out… one way or another. In His time. His plan is still perfect… even if we don’t always like what we currently are experiencing.
He knew this would happen. He knew how it would change me (and possibly them)… for the better. God has got that part of my life too. So I do not worry. I just wait for His glory.
[socialrocket-tweet quote=”Can God work things out? YES! He WILL work things out for HIS good. And your good.” tweet=”Can God work things out? YES! He WILL work things out for HIS good. And your good.”]
It may not always be the way we think “good” should look. Who knows if it will even be in our lifetime – lots of people did more after their death to change the world than while they were living. But He will work out, even the bad stuff and the sin of this world, in His time.
Even divorce.
Especially divorce.
God uses everything.
He will redeem everything.
God will work it all out.
It’s a promise we can count on!
Are you trusting God doing this season?
God bless your healing journey,
So much hope here! i know this will encourage our constituents! Posting on our GHW page. Hugs!
Thanks Megan. I appreciate it!
YES, HE DOES WORK ALL THINGS TOGETHER FOR GOOD FOR US WHO ARE CALLED TOGETHER FOR HIS PURPOSE!!
Even abuse, abandonment, and divorce. He has for me and He will for any who utterly abandon themselves to his care and guidance!
Amen! Yes, He will! Thank you for sharing your encouragement.
So true Jen! I am now so thankful for my divorce…I never truly realized what an abusive marriage I was in! God has restored me and am a new creature in Him! When I was walking through this time of darkness, I had friends come alongside and gave me encouragement. I am thankful that He has given you a ministry to help mentor other women giving them hope and faith that they will become a better person on the other side. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing and for your encouragement, Pam. I am thankful to God for this ministry as well. Welcome along!
This is painful. 33 years of porn masturbation lies betrayal in law problems and always always thought it was me. Now my 18 yr old moved in with her dad because she chose a different lifestyle other than the one I Tried to In still in her. She doesn’t respect me. Yuck. I don’t sleep well at night – not sure what he will pull next. He is a covert narcissist and everyone loves him – I am the one that looks bad – trusting Jesus. I like your stuff Jen. Just got started with it.
Keep moving forward in your healing journey, Carolyn. I’m glad to have you here. You’re not alone! And it does get easier and God does work it all out… for your good.
Mine was a covert narc too. And yes, EVERYONE loves them. My kids liked that he encouraged them in the things i said no to, and reversed any discipline I had instilled. But my oldest saw through it when he freely talked to his gf on speaker phone in front of the kids while we were still married (albeit, going through the divorce process), and shortly after the divorce, introduced them to a new gf and had sex with her with my kids in the next room. I just stood by the truth and did what I knew was right, even if it meant being unpopular, and even if it meant my kids might prefer dads house over mine. My kids are young enough that they began to trust me over him because i was consistent, honest, authentic, and above all, loving. I apologized when i fell short, and stayed confident in my authority (even though deep down i felt very insecure to make parenting decisions and discipline all by myself). Prayer for our children goes a LONG way. And when God finally gets their hearts, they will see the truth for what it is, and appreciate what we did as mothers, never giving up on them.
Yes, exactly right! Thanks for sharing!
I feel like this mirrors my story a lot. I had to stay consistent despite his attempts, and my kids learned they could trust me. We still have issues but overall it has improved (largely when his Wiccan gf split from him). I have to keep praying though, the battle never ends, and new ones come up often from ptsd and abandonment. But God remains.
I’m new to your group. Only finding you by chance. I’m a professional woman and a Christian who divorced my husband, not because I wanted to, but because it was emotionally, physically and financially necessary. I only found out afterwards that the 15 years of chaos were due to him being a narcissist. One would think my being an intelligent educated woman that I would have discovered this sooner. I knew something was wrong early on but stayed because my faith and counselors encouraged it. It was refreshing to learn the reason that I stayed after reading your comments about the church and how we are schooled to pray our way through everything. It was validating. I kept wondering why I stayed in this relationship when so many would have walked away. I told myself I was tough and I could handle anything with God. Sort of a twisted view on faith I guess. I know God protected me. I also know evil does exist. It was in my home. God held me through and eventually led me out of it. It has been two years and God has only recently revealed the depth of the terror that I lived in. I am having tremendous grief and physical exhaustion. So glad I found this group of women so that I don’t feel so isolated anymore
Glad to have you along on this journey to healing. Thanks for joining the conversation.
Thank you for sharing Jen. My adult children have abandoned me and my daughter lives with my ex and is ‘unable’ to have a relationship with me. He was abusive, lied, cheated and wore me down but not before undermining me and encouraging them to call me names. I am heartbroken and grief stricken. I have no idea how to find a new happy life and it helps hugely to know I’m not alone xx
You’re welcome, Sarah. I can relate to what you’ve experienced after divorce with your children. Many others have too. That’s why I wrote this article about child estrangement – http://jengrice.com/child-estrangement-after-divorce-mothers-being-erased/
Glad to have you along on this journey to healing. God bless!
Wish they had something like this for men! I was the bread winner and I am a super empath and just now realized she is a narcissist and has been emotionally abusing me for our entire 11 year marriage.