I believe any good mother will make the ultimate sacrifice for her children.
We give of ourselves every single day. As single, divorced mothers, we work hard to provide for our children. We pay for what they need and sometimes want because we only want to see them happy. When they are hurting, we hurt with them. When they’re sick we lose sleep, sleep in a chair, or risk losing our jobs just to make sure they are well taken care of and healthy again. We sacrifice ourselves for them!
Sometimes at a cost.
The cost is ourselves.
I share in my book how I found out that I have Lupus the same month that my (now ex-) husband completely checked out of our marriage – leaving the kids and me without food or any financial support. It was then I saw my marriage heading down the same path it had been down before. And my body was taking the brunt of many years of devoting my life to making him and my children happy.
Putting everyone else first was killing me from the inside out, and I knew I would die if I didn’t start seeing myself as equally important as everyone else. At that point I realized I had no other choice but to start taking care of myself, because honestly, there was no one else around to do it. Some of us have to learn to take care of ourselves in the most difficult season of life. – You Can Survive Divorce: Hope, Healing, and Encouragement for your Journey
Why is self-care important during divorce?
Self-care is important for everyone but especially for divorcing and single mothers. Because you’re just as important as anyone else in this world (in case you forgot or didn’t know).
And because in order to love and care for others you must love yourself and take your basic needs seriously. On top of that practicing self-care, even just small extras just for you, to fuel you so you can be the most loving and caring person that you can be. We give from the overflow. Those who are depleted emotionally and physically have nothing left to give.
Sometimes if the budget is tight or our kid’s needs are more important, we forget how we can practice self-care at home for less. That’s why I’ve created a printable sheet with 45 frugal ways to practice self-care. For better practice, you can pick one every single day. 🙂
CLICK HERE TO GET THE PRINTABLE
How to be mindful of self-care during (and after) divorce?
- Make sure you’re eating 5-6 small meals a day
- Make sure you’re getting plenty of sleep
- Don’t drink/eat too much caffeine
- Drink plenty of water
- Take a break when you feel overwhelmed
- Get with God every day in prayer and Bible reading
- Schedule activities or time to practice self-care (see printable sheet)
Taking care of the body God has given you is equally as important as fueling yourself to care for others. Whatever you take from your body, time, and energy, you need to replace it. So if you have an emotional meeting or court date scheduled for one week, you should also schedule something just for yourself that same week. This is all while scheduling the time to eat and sleep, which is just as important as getting to that meeting.
Learn from my mistakes, take care of your body, or deal with serious health issues, either now or later. I use my phone to schedule and remind me of these things – like getting to bed on time, taking my Lupus medication (which keeps me alive), or even stopping to rest after a full day writing, parenting (I’m also a homeschool mom), and coaching.
[socialrocket-tweet quote=”Self-care isn’t selfish. It shows your belief that you’re just as worthy of love as anyone else.” tweet=”Self-care isn’t selfish. It shows your belief that you’re just as worthy of love as anyone else.”]
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DaySpring generously donated a “Be Still” Natural Wax and Wood Wick Candle in Fresh Cotton and a “You’re Braver Than You Even Imagine” Inspirational Mug to one reader. And I have personally donated the “Hope in the Lord Always” Wirebound Journal, a Bic Intensity Fine-Tip Purple Marker Pen, and a copy of my book to the second. Winners were notified via email.
Have you learned a new way to care for yourself? How will you be more mindful and schedule time, or plan for self-care this week?
God bless your healing journey,
Hi Jen,
I’ve definitely been neglecting my self care lately. And now I have a cold. Ugh. So I realize how important it is.
This week I will slow down and spend some time journaling, resting, and finding joy in the simple things. Like a cup of tea, sitting on my patio, phoning a friend, taking a nap, and spending time with my family.
My Divorce Care group starts this weekend. I’m nervous, but so looking forward to being with people who are going through similar circumstances.
Something else that has been good for me is laughter. I love to laugh. So finding a good clean comedian and watching videos on YouTube is a lot of fun. My favorite of late is Jim Gaffigan. He’s mostly clean. And very funny?
Love to all my ‘sisters’ who are in this difficult season❤
Pam
I hope the Divorce Care group was great for you and you feel comforted by others in your group. Thanks for sharing and glad you’re finding ways to self-care during this time.
I also came out of my marriage with a myriad of health issues, 3 autoimmune diseases, PTSD, depression, anxiety, neuropathy, hpb, the list goes on. My oldest daughter always said I would die at the hands of my husband, but not in this way!
I am forced to rest, because my body can only do so much at one time. I am motivated to care for myself by my precious children. They are terrified that I will die, and somehow their dad will get them.
My favorite way to relax is to put my feet up, ear buds in, listening to praise and worship music. My teen daughters and I made journals, I enjoy doing Bible study with them. Just hanging out with my kids makes me smile.
Jen, thank you for your advice and support. Mamas, love and hugs to all of you!
You’re very welcome! I can relate to the medical issues and the needing to force myself to rest. I’m glad you are finding ways to take care of yourself and your teen daughters. Take care!
Right now I’m taking a break from homeschool with my feet up and cuddled in a blanket. I’m still no good at self-care and my health is continuing to show it.
Very smart Brooke. Good for you! I hope my printable sheet helped to give you a few ideas to practice in the days, weeks, and months ahead. We’re all learning here. And so glad to have you along.
Self care is often at the bottom of my to-to list. One thing I do consistently is get my sleep.
Hi Kathy, I’m glad you’re getting sleep. I struggle there sometimes. But I hope my printable sheet was helpful to give you a few ideas to get you started. Take care!
I can tell when my body and emotions hit a wall and I need to take some quiet time. That quiet time usually is a few hours by myself. Increasing the time that I spend relaxing reading a variety of books would improve my stamina mentally and emotionally. I do need to improve my diet again. I have found that when I follow the Whole 30 menus, I feel better on many levels.
Thank you for your encouragement.
You’re welcome. And I totally understand. I have been struggling with my diet lately too. I really need to eat gluten-free and dairy-free, but it’s not as fun as eating a regular diet… so then I’m sick more. But I’m learning. Enjoy your quiet time. Take care!
The best form of self-care was getting out of my marriage — it cascades into a myriad of healthy choices…. mentally, physically, spiritually…. specifically I joined a weekly Pilates class that is led by a fellow sister in Christ, eating mindfully (not numbing through food), applying for a job after 8.5 yrs off the market so to speak & I got the job! Taking 4 day road trip w a lifelong friend — visiting 4 national parks in 1 day!
It’s been a whole lot of GOOD things during a whole lot of HARD things as well
Psalm 139
Yes, that was the first step for sure. Then we’re free to be ourselves and devote time to loving ourselves. I’m glad to see the success you’re having in practicing self-care as well as rebuilding your life and your career. Good for you!! God bless and take care!
I have a self-care box, but I never seem to get it out. There’s music, my favorite candy (that is from overseas — found it in a Russian grocery store.), coloring books, a Bible, and more. I plan to get it out this week. This is my busy time of year (now through Christmas) and I need to take a break sometime. 🙂 Thanks for the reminder.
What a smart idea – a self-care box. But using it would be important too. 😉 I’m glad you found this post helpful and you’re welcome! Take care!
I admit that this is an area that I have neglected for too long. My health shows it now — as for many years I was just trying to survive after my divorce and make sure my kids were well. What I have realized more and more lately is that in putting myself last, I have not been doing the best I could for them either because in order to be the best I can for them I need to take care of my health! So, I’m trying to slowly start making some changes that are desperately needed!! I appreciate this article and the ideas you offer — getting enough sleep and drinking more water are the two I am going to start with!! Thank you for your encouragement and the chance to win such a lovely prize!!
You’re welcome! Sometimes even I need the reminder. So glad to hear this encouraged someone today. 🙂
I’m still working on figuring out self-care, but have been enjoying my Divorce Care group. It is great to know there are others out there with similar situations & ones that have gotten through it.
Going to Divorce Care is a great start to practicing self-care, Jenn!! I hope the printable sheet gives you some more ideas. Glad to have you along on the journey to healing here as well. God bless!
Self care is so hard for me as it is with so many of us. I left my marriage almost 7 months ago and it’s been hard to be in public (church or exercise classes with my sister). I signed up a month ago for a calligraphy class that I’ve alway wanted to do and I have been enjoying the class so much. I try to practice everyday but not always successful. My daughter calls me every day on her way home from work and I love talking to her. Thanks Jen, for the work you are doing!
You’re welcome, Rikki. It sounds to me like you’re off to a good start with self-care. Just little things like talking to someone you love daily and allowing yourself to take a class to learn a new craft. And that sounds so fun too! I wish I could join you. Enjoy!