If you’ve done something so much that it doesn’t excite you anymore but just leaves you tired, consider yourself jaded. If someone says you look a little jaded, it just means that you look tired. Jaded means dulled or tired from too much of something. The word can also mean cynical because of bad experiences. (Source: Vocabulary.com)
Cynical: believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity.
I was tired. I’m still tired. Tired of the lies. Tired of the lack of integrity. Tired of the projection, the manipulation, the triangulation, and the gaslighting that leaves people – including me – confused most of the time. I’m tired of lying people telling me that I have trust issues.
Who wouldn’t have trust issues? I think it’s very normal, and dare I say healthy, to have a lack of trust with untrustworthy people.
Trust issues with disloyal people. Those who say one thing yet do another. All. The. Time. Trust issues with people who gossip and cause drama among family and close friends. Those who play both sides of the fence without batting an eye. Trust issues with self-centered people who are motivated by self-interest no matter what they do or say.
How do you trust people with characters like that?
Why would trust be freely given to someone who destroyed it?
I think it’s common sense. Trust those who’ve proven they can be trusted and don’t trust those who don’t.
Still, we’re labeled!
What happens when we don’t just freely trust everyone after dealing with so many untrustworthy people?
Divorced women have been given the label of “bitter and jaded” for as long as I’ve been alive (probably longer). It’s a derogatory label, not just a simple definition of tired like I stated above, for those who’ve been hurt by so many people that we’ve lost count.
Furthermore, I think that’s an unfair label just for women because I’ve seen men equally angry and bitter for what they’ve been put through. But no one is calling men bitterly jaded (that I know of).
As people who’ve been lied to and manipulated for so very long especially if there was infidelity and/or abuse, of course, we’d be tired and upset – both men and women. We carry the pain and hurt from what others have done to us and it causes us to trust less and suspect deceit more.
[You might also like: What the Bible Says About Anger (After Divorce)]
The best part of all of this growing and learning – reclaiming your emotional health after divorce – is learning…
You Don’t Have to Trust People…
You just have to trust God!
People will let you down. People may hurt you. God never will.
I’ve had seasons where I felt I had no one on this planet that I could trust. I was alone and it hurt. This was after I had freely given trust to anyone and everyone I met – especially those who said they loved me (I guess that happens when you marry a fraud). I thought that was how I was supposed to be… openly trusting with everyone at all times. It seemed very un-Christian-like and unloving to not trust people even after they’ve given me a good reason not to.
But I think my jaded heart taught me a valuable lesson… trust God and THEN build trust with others. That’s the healthy thing to do.
Let God move in.
God is by your side. He would never treat you like humans do. He would never leave or forsake. And most importantly, you could trust Him!
Trust God with everything… including your relationships and your future.
How do we get to a point where we can trust God when we’ve dealt with so much hurt and heartbreak?
First, I think it’s important to know and understand the character of God and His heart for His precious daughters. We can learn His character by learning of the names of God. (Different names of God and what they mean.) And we learn to trust Him when we see all that He has done for us. How He’s protected, provided, and loved us–through the blood of Jesus. Our hope in a redeemed future breaks the chains of bitterness leading us to freedom to trust Him, fully and completely.
Next, we have to allow God to move in with full access to our heart and soul. His presence helps us to move on and flourish after such pain. When God’s love permeates every crevice of our wounded hearts it brings healing, wholeness, and strength to move from surviving to thriving.
And when someone new comes into your life, you can decide to trust God to guide and protect you from further harm. You could ask God to protect you and to show you everything that you needed to see about the situation and the person you wondered if you can trust.
The trust in the relationship is then built upon as the relationship grows rather than just given all in the beginning–which most times leads to more hurt and pain.
We have to spend the needed time educating ourselves on the red flags to look out for, always being vigilant. Listening to our gut intuition (or the Holy Spirit’s advice, whatever you want to call it) when it says something is not right about this. All the while seeking God every step of the way.
We can trust Him to be that protective partner we always wanted and needed. And when people hurt us or let us down, God is right there for comfort.
There will always be evil, selfish people in this world… and there will also always be God.
Boundaries are necessary.
Boundaries are necessary for every healthy relationship. They should be stated and respected from the very beginning. It’s not mean, “jaded or bitter” to have healthy boundaries. Don’t let anyone make you believe that you aren’t anything but “emotionally healthy” for having boundaries.
Learn more about and practice boundaries to protect your tired heart. And trust God with the rest.
Many days growing and learning in Him,