This week I received another email from a reader who is no longer speaking with a child – a person she gave life to. Sadly, this is not unusual. She is not alone. When most ladies read or hear my story, they email me to let me know that they too are experiencing unnecessary child estrangement caused by blame-shifting and manipulation. There is just so much loss and pain after divorce, this should not have to be another thing we deal with.

It breaks my heart to know so many other mothers know what’s it’s like to lose their children at the same time as they lose their marriage.

Cling tightly to Jesus and hold everything else loosely. – Unknown

Jesus is the true vine.

Jesus taught His disciples an important lesson, they no longer belonged to this world because as soon as they started following Him (giving up everything else, including family), they belonged to Him. Jesus was the true vine, the way to stay connected to the Father.

Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. ‘Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.’ – John 15:4-5 NLT

Through three different marital separations, this has been my favorite verse. I knew I could accomplish way more if I stayed connected to Jesus the entire time. I knew He was walking with me and I’d still produce the fruits of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) while I walked in the valley, and through finalizing my divorce.

Through this connection, we can bear fruit, grow and learn, as well as heal after divorce. There are also rewards (or compensation) that come our way because of our dependence on the Father.

But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father. – John 15:7-8 NLT

God may not restore a marriage when asked, but He will restore a person especially after divorce. You will be restored for staying connected to and putting your trust in Him. He cares way more about you personally than He does any institution of marriage.

 

3 Reasons We All Should Hold Tightly to God

 

1.) At the end of this life, God is all we have.

It hurts so much to lose most anything of value on this earth. I’ve attended so many funerals of friends and family that I find it hard to attend anymore. Our children siding with an abusive ex-husband (believing his lies), another close family member through unresolved conflict, pets or personal possessions. Nothing and no one is easy to let go of. But I believe sometimes there’s a lesson to be learned.

As much as we all hope to leave this earth surrounded by close, loving family, they can’t walk with after we reach death’s door. It will be something that we have to enter into on our own… with Jesus at the other end.

The lesson I’ve learned from my divorce is to appreciate the healthy relationships I have, mourn what was lost, and hold tightly to God. Because nothing is guaranteed and people will let you down. In the end, the Lord is all we have.

 

2.) God has something better planned. You could miss it.

We hear all the cliches… some help, some hurt. We may even roll our eyes and say, Yeah right, everything happens for a reason?! But the truth is, God’s promises are very true. We just have to believe them.

Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ’s return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless. – Philippians 2:16 NLT

When we dwell on the worst and expect a horrible life, that is what we’ll get. When we believe and trust that better things will happen, they will. I just finished reading the book, {Affiliate Link} The Law of Divine Compensation, and could see everything I read applied to all areas of life, especially after divorce. (It’s seriously a good book especially if your “job” is ministry or you live to do God’s work.)

God just wants us to surrender our lives and follow His purpose. In return, He will bless and compensate us for our work. But when we expect or see everything in a negative way, even denying gifts that come from the Lord (often through other people), we miss out on the something better God had planned. And He always has something good planned. (God will work it all out after divorce.)

 

3.) God is the only One who can heal, redeem, and restore you.

All throughout the Bible we read stores of healing, redemption, and restoring of things that were lost. Lives were lost and people’s faith was tested but in the end, God kept His promises. He is still in the healing, restoring, and redemption business. Jesus showed us God’s healing power as well as His loving care for His precious children.

So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. – 1 Peter:6-7 NLT

 

Hold tightly to the Light.

I don’t know about you but at night is when the enemy tries to frighten me. Often times I didn’t want to go to bed or turn out the light. It was an every night thing at the beginning of this journey. But each night I would remind myself that even in the darkness, I can still feel the Light. Even in my fear and anxiety, God is still near. I just have to keep reminding myself and wait for the morning. And now, each day I’m blessed with a new day to shine a Light in the dark places of divorce and abuse healing.

Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning. – Psalm 30:5b NLT

Never hold on to anything tighter than you’re holding on to God. – Unknown

[You may enjoy: 10 Scripture Promises for the Divorced Woman]

 

How are you holding on during divorce?

God bless your divorce journey,