Because when you go through, this death-valley-like experience we call divorce, you can choose one of a couple paths. Staying the same is really not an option. Especially if you want deep heart and soul healing.
Life does not end at divorce. Sometimes, it’s a new beginning… full of changes.
God calls you back to Him.
God knows our hearts, ladies. He knows when our hearts are divided.
If we are so focused our family’s needs, and making them happy, we don’t have a lot of time left over to make God a priority or to fulfill His purpose.
When God sees this happening, I believe He calls us back into that loving, relationship with Him. He saw where our husbands were standing in the way of our purpose, so He took us back, to be loved and cared for again.
This may be hard to accept, but I believe that God often allows the painful divorce to remind us that He needs to be put back in that rightful place as our Number-One-Man.
In this process, we learn to not hold on too tightly to anyone, but God.
Who’s at the center?
While married your husband was probably the center of your world… especially if you were married to a self-centered abuser. I hear this story a lot. There was an imbalance of who was important in the marriage, and who had to put themselves second, or even most times… last.
During my marriage, I thought being “wife” and “mom” meant that I would naturally come last on the list of importance. At no time did I see myself as, “Jen, the individual” (with hopes, dreams, and purpose of her own – separate from her husband and kids). I mean, I couldn’t even pick the college program that I wanted (which would help fulfill my purpose) because I was hearing that I wasn’t worth it. So I just made everyone else a priority, and thought, “One day… I’ll get to do things that I want to do, for me.”
Divorce has offered me that “one day” way sooner than I ever planned. And I am thanking God for it too. It forced me to stop putting everyone else first. It helped me to realize that I am just as important and worthy as anyone else. My purpose is important too.
My divorce helped me to accept that I am okay, as a divorced (and not married) woman (no shame in that). And I have learned, and now believe, that a divorced woman (or man) can do ministry for The Kingdom, no husband (or wife) required. You do not have to be married to do great things for God.
But I’d be lying if I didn’t say, some days I do wish I had a husband beside me in ministry. But I definitely didn’t have that during my marriage, so the divorce saved me from the feeling of divided interests. (1 Corinthians 7:34.)
Now I am free to embrace and be totally devoted to God and His work. (Besides raising my child too of course. The balancing act is just a lot simpler. Most times my child is happy with the work I am doing for God.)That’s a huge change.
That’s a huge change.
What ministry work did you feel God leading you too?
Where do you think God will take you now that you have put Him and His work back at the center?
A new chapter. A new you.
Divorce has taught me the importance of self-care – because we are all worthy. It has taught me to be my authentic self. (Not do whatever I want – “yolo” attitude – and then people should just accept me! No!) I am free to be more of who God created me to be… the “too emotional me” and no people pleasing or saying, “I’m fine!” when I’m clearly not. I can keep working on myself to be molded to be more like Him.
The season after divorce is an opportunity to take some time to remember who are really are, who God created you to be, and why you have the crazy quirks that you have. You can choose to take all of the hurt and garbage from your marriage and divorce and let it rot in your soul (changing you), or you can put God in the center, and find out how He wants to guide this new chapter… and this new you. You can let it shape you into a better person. Or you can just try to forget (which never really works) and pretend it never happened.
Either way, you are going to get an outcome.
Might as well be a positive one, right? Might as well do the work, so that if you decide to get married again, you do not decide that before you know who you are, how God created you, and what God’s purpose is for you.
Make this new you and new chapter the best that it can be. God has a purpose for you… walk in it.
Personally, I’d hate to get into another marriage with someone who does not support my ministry work. And if I had jumped into marriage right after my divorce, that very well could have happened. It has taken me time to learn my purpose.
The change is, now I won’t let anyone detour me again. 😉
What dreams had you put on hold because your marriage was more important? How has your divorce changed you and your life’s plans? Share your story in the comments.
Many days growing and learning in Him,